Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
