Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
