I think I died a long time ago.
too bad you live with your parents still
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
