i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
