I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
