All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
