Your face is a jimmy john
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
