How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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