hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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