omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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