Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
