dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
