we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
