i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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