It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
