Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
