gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
