Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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