I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
