It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
