ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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