i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
