You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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