This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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