go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
