you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
