I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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