His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
