This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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