I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
