I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
