i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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