I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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