Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
