His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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