Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
