the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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