Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
