Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
