i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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