how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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