I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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