nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
