margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
