i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
