Jerry, you need to find god
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
