I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
