Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
