I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
