DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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