So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
