It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
