if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
