At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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