I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
